It is thought that knitting first appeared somewhere in the
Middle East. In my house it
appeared when my mom got sick. We
weren’t expecting terminal illness, no one ever does, but it happens. Over the course of the nine weeks
before her illness took her life, I learned every technique in knitting that I
could. I knit feverishly. I filled two large bins with beautiful
colors of wool in all different weights(this means the thickness of the yarn). I even learned to spin and dye my own
wool. The only aspect I didn’t
dive into was raising my own sheep, and that’s only because we don’t have the room.
Luckily, even though I am left handed, there is no difference
in knitting. One always knits the
same way other than which hand holds the working yarn. My first project was a Christmas
stocking. I took on fancy stitches
like cables and double knitting.
Watching videos online, I learned how to knit socks, sweaters, hats,
mittens - you name it, I figured it out.
I knit presents, I knit selfish.
I learned to knit with the largest to the tiniest of needles and in the
end, I gained a skill that has strengthened my coping skill-set.
This need to make things has served me well. I was a potter for 18 years of my
life. I like to create. It feeds my soul, but it also helps me
deal with the ups and down of life with PTSD. Hobbies can be a wonderful outlet when times are hard. They occupy the mind so our days aren’t
spent dwelling and rolling over all the horrible possibilities. Through knitting I’ve taught myself to
not worry about what I cannot change.
I can’t cure my husband’s PTSD, I couldn’t cure my mother's cancer. I won’t be able to find a magic remedy
on the internet. I can educate
myself, but I can’t fix everything.
I can however fix a stitch. So in knitting, I give myself the ability to fix what I
can. Being able to fix something
helps because many times I feel like I’m failing my husband in not finding that magic cure like I thought at the beginning I could. I can however knit a pair of socks that
fit like a dream and some days, that’s good enough.
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