Stones In His Heart

For the last few days we’ve been working on getting my youngest son’s ROTC uniform squared away.  At his high school the program is Air Force.  This made my husband, his step-father, very happy.  They’ve always been very close but this has been a major bonding experience. Folding sleeves and blousing pants, my boy is, as Chris would say, “shit hot”.

I love the attitude my freshman is coming home with from his Master Sergeant.  He’s always been a good student, but he’s taking more and more pride in what he does.  I’m happy and I’m happy Chris can grab back this little piece of military since he so desperately misses the life.

We needed some extras to finish off my son’s uniform so yesterday we headed over the Army Navy store for a few bits and bobs.  This morning we discussed the trip because I noticed something odd.  We go to the Army Navy store quite a bit and every time he points out a certain patch.  It’s a unit patch from the guys he patrolled with in Iraq.  At the time he was in the Air Force, but the Army was lacking enough medics to go around.  He volunteered to fill a spot.  These are the guys he was “in the shit” with.  He stood in front of the patches yesterday and touched his unit’s.  Glancing over to me, he flashed a tentative smile and told me that was his guys.

This is a standard thing.  We do it each time we go there.  This morning however he told me he hates that patch.  It brings no good memories.  I’d always wondered why he never picked one up to have.  Now I know.  But now I’m left wondering.  I know quite a few of the stories, stories I’d rather no know.  He’s always said he can’t tell me all of them and I’m okay with that, but the stories I do know are so painful I can’t imagine anything worse.  Apparently though, there are stories he can’t voice because they are worse. 

We’re starting counseling again next week.  It’s been two years since he left the vet center angry and unable to continue fighting his way to healing.  Hopefully someday he’ll be able to look at that patch and have it not be a stone in his heart.  Someday maybe.