Living with a mental illness makes friends hard to come by, and even harder to keep. People tend to fade in and out of our lives because of the myriad of irritants and awkward moments friendship with us brings. On our end, friendship opens Chris up to loss so he many times bucks against allowing anyone close to him. It is a special person who weathers the storm.
We rarely go out when solid ‘plans’ are involved since things can shift at the drop of a boot or backfire of a car. This past weekend, however, we braved the highway and visited friends for an afternoon of drinking and eating. It was the highlight of July for us.
One of the discussions that came up was the definition of a friend. I’ll leave out the details as everyone might not find the humor. Between laughing and eating, the discussion hashed out one basic requirement of a friend.
When you call, I will come.
Friendship with a PTSD sufferer has a slightly longer list. When he disassociates, you’ll pause and then go on as though nothing has happened. When we have to cancel plans, you say it’s fine and you will really mean it even though we've cancelled four times before. You’ll look past and understand there will always be the possibility of a flashback or outburst of emotion. You won’t be embarrassed and apologies though offered will remain unnecessary.
Unwanted isolation can be the end result of PTSD when the circle of friends shrinks away. Many services are offered to help make sure family knows and can cope with the residual trauma of war, but everyone needs the tools because sometimes a friend is all these guys have left.
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