strength and pride...

I saw something today that spoke to me.  Generally, I regard Facebook’s over used feel-good posts with rolled eyes and a scoff.  I am the grump cat of my own friends list.  There are too many captioned pictures, fake letters, and repost-this-if-you-cares.  But today, I saw an image of a lion with the words “the worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay” and yes, whomever wrote it, used the correct you’re.

For a moment I contemplated that statement in regards to my own life.  Pride came to mind because yesterday I’d shared a cartoon on Not Alone’s Facebook page from a retired general.  It depicted a fireman drowning because of pride.  When I taught Krav Maga strength and pride ruled.  Nothing hurt.  Nothing touched me.  When the bell sounded it didn’t matter if I was fighting Wladimir Klitschko himself, I would win or die trying.

After a gun seminar, from left to right Jeff, me, Big Mike,
Thierry, Darren Levine(founder of KM in the United States), John, Damon.

Strength in spirit was what kept my 5’1” buck twenty frame going because size was never on my side.  My strength made people step back and assume no matter what I was okay.  It fueled rumors about my background.  I’ll never forget the day I heard two of my students discussing my years as a special forces soldier.  Interesting since I’d never served nor ever claimed to have that honor.  I still smile at the thought.

But pride took me to foolish places.  Pride caused the damage to my shoulder because I refused to admit I’d lost.  I could have tapped out but instead I let Big Mike twist it out of joint.  Pride caused me to continue to get up and fight after I was knocked out, on more than one occasion.  The damage to my brain is becoming more apparent on a daily basis.  Pride kept me quiet when things hurt, when they were wrong, when I’d fallen into a path of destruction.

Pride kept my husband quiet when he came home from Iraq and began struggling with nightmares, lost time, and depression.  Pride let him suffer. Pride let his life crumble farther than it should have.

Don’t get me wrong, pride can be a good thing.  It can be a driving force to amazing achievements.  But it can also be a set of blinders keeping us from seeing what is really happening.  And here is where we circle back to strength.  Strength can cause people to think you are untouchable, but being strong enough to reach out when the path is too much to walk alone is where the true test of will sets us apart.  Asking for help is not weakness; it is strength.  Being strong enough to know you must be part of a team to succeed is a core aspect of military training.  So why is it so hard, when our soldiers come home changed from war, for them to still recognize the value of being part of something larger than self?

We need to change our thinking about strength.  Strength is not synonymous with being alone.  One football player cannot match a team.  His strength is in numbers.  Never be afraid to reach out, because it is strength that moves the hand toward the solution and it is strength that says the words I cannot do this alone.