simple things...

A couple of weeks ago, Chris and I went to the movies together for the first time.  I know it sounds odd, but simple things aren’t so simple when your spouse has PTSD.  Movies are loud.  They’re crowded.  They offer multiple triggers in a darkened two-hour session that we just always avoided.

But it was his birthday and he’s my Star Trek geek.  So I made him bagels, fixed him breakfast in bed, and gave him his gift – two tickets to see Star Trek Into Darkness in 3D.  Luckily his birthday fell on a Wednesday weeks after the movie had premiered.  I chose a matinee and crossed my fingers. 

We arrived early because I’m obsessive about not being late.  Luckily, I’d chosen well.  The theater was empty and practically stayed that way when the movie started.  Without missing a beat, the first trailer was filled with explosions.  I have no idea what movie it was for because my eyes were locked on Chris.  He began his frantic breathing and clutched my hand.  From the beginning I told him that if he couldn’t do this we could leave.  It wouldn’t hurt my feelings at all.  But he stuck it out. 

I missed parts of movie because each time there was a sudden noise I looked to him to make sure he wasn’t “fading” into the unconscious state he sometimes falls into.  But, I also watched his face light up when the old theme from Star Trek played and Kirk recited their five-year mission.  I watched him realize we can do normal things.  I watch him for the first time tell PTSD to piss off because no matter what he wasn’t going to miss this movie.  We made it to the end of the movie without incident.

It’s amazing how many people don’t understand why going to the movies would be stressful for us, but I know there are just as many who know exactly what I’m talking about.  Simple things, they just aren’t so simple anymore.  But they’re still pleasures if we take the risk and try.  It’s too easy to get mired in PTSD and become house bound.  Living a semi normal life with this issue is work, but it’s worth it because we deserve it.  He’s already talking about the next movie he’d like to see.  It’s a small victory, but it’s a victory all the same.  We have to move forward to keep from spending all our time looking back.  Stay oscar mike.  Always moving forward, always looking for the bright spots, the simple pleasures.