I found myself in an interesting predicament these past weeks. We’ve had for a lack of a better term some invaders in our space and it hasn’t been a pleasant experience, but it has taught me something vital to our ability to be part of the extended family. I cannot encourage bitterness and anger. Holding a grudge when I know my husband has been wronged has been something I’d held onto these past years. I’ve realized, for his health more than mine, I have to learn to let things go.
I would love to give all the dirty details and spew the anger I felt and still feel somewhat, but I won’t so forgive me if this all seems a little vague.
I watched myself, almost as if I was standing outside myself, encourage the anger he’d been harboring for years all because I’m angry they wronged him. I made sure not one action was left unnoticed even to the point of letting him know they’d walked out over their hurt feelings while he was still unconscious on the floor after an episode.
Suddenly though, I had an epiphany. The resulting anger was and is my fault. He ground his teeth for days practically frothing with the expectation of another blow up. I started slowly smoothing the wounds I hadn’t caused but had kept open. My epiphany resulted in his epiphany. He let go of past hurts. His eyes brightened and I learned a lesson about following my own advice. Anger isn’t something to be saved. Spend it right away, get it out of your system, and don’t waste time revisiting.
Deep breath. I can do this. Wish me luck... and strength.
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