Sometimes Knowing Is Important

I have a guilty pleasure. Reality TV. Not because I like to watch other people’s drama, but because I like to watch people. And why not, I write fiction. It’s like stealthy research for future characters, and yes, I have a little black book full of juicy notes.

Yesterday a show called hoarders was on all day. Marathon style is always my favorite because I can get other things done while feeding my curiosity about human nature. A gentleman came on. Good looking guy, nicely dressed, soft spoken, Navy veteran. His house was packed full of stuff. Not trash, not pets and filth, just stuff.

His big moment was showing the home to his girlfriend. He’d come to the epiphany that he wanted a long-term meaningful relationship with her and he knew he had to change. She had no idea what to expect, but she kept insisting she loved him.

Her reaction when she walked into this man’s house was “what is wrong with you” and “this is what crazy people do.” He was crushed. He’d reached out and had his hand slapped away.

I’ve been steaming about that show ever since. In fact I spent over an hour afterward ranting about her abandoning this man she professed to love.

I remember the moment Chris told me there was something wrong. Something broken inside his head, something that made him unlovable and a monster. He expected me to hang up the phone and never talk to him again. He braced for impact so to speak. It didn’t happen. I was willing. But more importantly, I was able.

Over the last two years, I’ve judged and raged about people who don’t stand by the person they love no matter what. But what I’ve come to realize is we all have our breaking point. If you can’t make the journey, get out of the car now. That’s what the woman did when she found out her boyfriend was a hoarder. She knew she wasn’t willing to be his support system so she didn’t give him false hope. I am so lucky. So lucky that I have something inside me strong enough to stay beside a man I love desperately. Lucky I knew. And I am lucky to have him.

So tonight I raise a glass to anyone who knew they could make it. To anyone who knew they couldn’t and broke quickly. To those who were left to fend for themselves, to those who were carried. We are after all, human. It’s best to leave behind resentment and focus on forgiveness, both those who’ve wronged us and ourselves. No need to forget, but forgive and move on.